Phileosophie

I love Hollywood and American pop culture and New York because for all their demons they give you an easy reason to live each day and to reach for something grander. They sell hopes and dreams, packaged so convincingly that you buy it over and over again. Almost everytime I feel down, something from Hollywood brings me back and lifts my soul higher. False hopes, maybe, but sometimes it is all you need. Superficial things.

It is so difficult to 'compete' with extraverted people in a world that is so biased towards extraversion. I suppose I could come up with all these theories about how this problem is due to the fact that those evil extraverted folk would obviously be more inclined to force their extraverted ways upon the rest of us and make us feel inferior if we are not like them. I've been having a difficult time this term because my co-intern M is a very outspoken American girl who will fight a battle to its bloody end (even when she is in the wrong) and because I really haven't got the energy, nor desire to do so, I generally throw the towel in and let her win. But it becomes a more practical problem for me when we start to get compared by our registrars because then it starts to impact on my end of term evaluation and the thing is, I'm not saying either of us is better (I truly dont believe that is the case though M probably does) but I think no matter how much work I do, the n

There are still days when I am grumpy. In fact, it isn't that rare. But there are also more of those days when I am able to remain calm and gracious despite being loaded with more than I can handle. In a way, I guess it is a function of being more comfortable with my role as a doctor, but I hope it is also a sign of growth. Of learning patience and learning when things don't matter. I pray that I will be slow (and then slower!) to anger. I pray that it will be easier to forgive. I pray that there will come a day when I just wouldn't take things personally, and a day when I find myself slowing down , always, to make each moment, with each person count. Being a doctor has given me countless opportunities to learn to relate to other people. To attempt to find something interesting in a person I have no interest in.