Reflections
Being at the airport always gives me pause to reflect on the life that goes on around me, on my trajectory and on the things I have gained or lost. This year, flying has taken on a further nuance - the loss of three Malaysian planes in 2014, the wars of the Middle East which have spread west - while I cannot put my life on hold, I am reminded of the frailty of life which makes reflection all the more pertinent.
When I was a child I would sit in front of the telly, eyes glued to the screen, impatient for the day my 'adventures' would begin. On my daily bike rides, it was almost as though if I cycled fast enough I could propel myself into the future where all the fun stuff would begin.
I am now well into that future. In the beginning, it all seemed so exciting; there were so many possibilities. I have often wondered why my day-to-day is not as thrilling now as I expected it to be. As it is, my life is so close to what I wanted as a child. To my mind that should make me happier than I am. It occurs to me that the future seemed shinier because back then there were so many alternative endings. On Monday I could pretend that I would one day be a financier living on Wall Street. On Tuesday I would be an aid worker with the UN. On Wednesday I would marry my favourite pop star. But the thing about life is that we have to choose a single path. We cannot be all those things. So being a doctor every day, while being a life I cannot fault, is one that is not as exciting as my little heart had wanted it to be.
I met someone last year, who had actually been all those things. He too went on an adventure when he was a teenager. Then became an economist in England, then a consultant with the UN. He met a girl, moved to Australia, became a doctor. His is the future I am heading to, except he's taken the long route, stopping along the way, at all those pit stops I conjured up many years ago. I suppose it is possible, but when you've been there and done that, you'll find yourself at 40 years of age.
I am plagued by the eternal question - what have we been given this life for? In all things, I strive to make the right choices. But usually the right choice requires us to have an end in mind. I do not know to what ends I am working. I could have the nicest things, the nicest home, the nicest clothes, the nicest friends. I could be in Sydney, London or New York. I could become a cardiologist one day. But somehow I feel that every milestone will be fleeting. Every twist and turn and manoeuvre, marked by the same question - is this what you wanted? What about this? Is this enough? I already know the answer.
When I was a child I would sit in front of the telly, eyes glued to the screen, impatient for the day my 'adventures' would begin. On my daily bike rides, it was almost as though if I cycled fast enough I could propel myself into the future where all the fun stuff would begin.
I am now well into that future. In the beginning, it all seemed so exciting; there were so many possibilities. I have often wondered why my day-to-day is not as thrilling now as I expected it to be. As it is, my life is so close to what I wanted as a child. To my mind that should make me happier than I am. It occurs to me that the future seemed shinier because back then there were so many alternative endings. On Monday I could pretend that I would one day be a financier living on Wall Street. On Tuesday I would be an aid worker with the UN. On Wednesday I would marry my favourite pop star. But the thing about life is that we have to choose a single path. We cannot be all those things. So being a doctor every day, while being a life I cannot fault, is one that is not as exciting as my little heart had wanted it to be.
I met someone last year, who had actually been all those things. He too went on an adventure when he was a teenager. Then became an economist in England, then a consultant with the UN. He met a girl, moved to Australia, became a doctor. His is the future I am heading to, except he's taken the long route, stopping along the way, at all those pit stops I conjured up many years ago. I suppose it is possible, but when you've been there and done that, you'll find yourself at 40 years of age.
I am plagued by the eternal question - what have we been given this life for? In all things, I strive to make the right choices. But usually the right choice requires us to have an end in mind. I do not know to what ends I am working. I could have the nicest things, the nicest home, the nicest clothes, the nicest friends. I could be in Sydney, London or New York. I could become a cardiologist one day. But somehow I feel that every milestone will be fleeting. Every twist and turn and manoeuvre, marked by the same question - is this what you wanted? What about this? Is this enough? I already know the answer.
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